The Feeling of Now

How does it feel to be in the present moment?

It feels like a soft heartbeat beating rhythmically within...
It feels like a self-assured ball of energy lighting up my core...
It feels like a glow of confidence channelling from my heart to the tips of my fingers and toes...
It feels like a clear mind ready for more concious awakening...
It feels like confusion in the most positive sense of the word, for it is one of the first times I am not enthralled in emotional drama, worry or fear...
It feels like my mind is an empty canvas...ready to be filled with joy...and a smile or two...
It feels like...
                      ...nothing...
It feels...
              ....liberating...


I am fortunate to have found the true feeling of just Being.  Although the present moment is sometimes described by Eckhart Tolle as "unacceptable, unpleasant, or awful", I can trust that if I give myself the chance to experience the feeling of calm...I will experience the stillness and the positive energy within me.  For the first time in a long time...I am beginning to love my life...I am excited.

Nature and Intuition

I am practicing the art of not only being, but the art of following my intuition.  I was once told that throughout our day we find more than several encounters where listening to our intuition is put to the test.  

This piece was inspired by my walk through a trail at Lost Lagoon (Stanley Park).  I was unfamiliar with the path I was taking while blading, but trusted my inner voice.  My inner voice led me to stop at a bench, tug my roller blades off, and head toward a path on my right.  I was inclined to turn back and put my blades back on as I heard loud and obnoxious voices coming from a near distance.  I realized that if I continued down that path I would be walking around a mini golf course where I would be unable to escape the incessant voices that cut into the peaceful silence of nature.  My intuition told me to stay on the trail and explore.  I found myself under a large canopy of pink Rhododendrons.   I felt as if I was in a fairy tale.  The blooms bunched in groups of 5 that mimicked pink lanterns hung high under trees.  I twirled around and around and was amazed at the number of Rhododendron 'lanterns' that were suspended above my head from tree branches. 

I will be the first to tell you this...I cried at the sheer beauty of the flowers before me.  I have never equated tears of joy with nature.  Today, I did just that.

Creating No More Pain in the Present



I followed my intuition today and found myself in a bamboo forest.  I put my hands on the cold bamboo...I felt a self assured energy both from me and from the bamboo itself.  It was beautiful...it felt beautiful.  It's energy told me it is strong - it is free from thought...that it is just being...for the sake of nature..for the beauty of nature...free from judgement or thoughts...i cried...no words could describe what I felt...I just cried.

I looked beyond the bamboo forest and saw three large trees...I looked upward and noticed the branches and leaves hanging way above...creating a canopy for me to sit under...a canopy to invite me in.  The branches and leaves bent and curved and almost created a dome over my head.  I knew I was suppose to be there at that moment.  I looked at the grass and marvelled at the moss that had grown to create a soft blanket for me to sit on as I had forgotten to pack mine. I was drawn to a little patch of sunlight that had shone down from a crack in the canopy above.  The sunlight lit the blanket of moss and invited me to sit and read...

"Create No More Pain in the Present: Nobody's life is entirely free from pain and sorrow.  Isn't it a question of learning to live with them rather than trying to avoid them?...The pain you create now is always from some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is."
-Eckhart Tolle

Life is a-MAZE-ing

Self Worth and Attachment

Moving on...why is it so hard?

It may be the very idea that we are overly reliant on others to begin healing.  It may be the very idea that we are derailed from our path of healing where we are nothing but beings distracted by our need to feel comforted, validated and loved by others.  It may be the very idea that our insecurities lead us to hold on to others with such a firm grip where taking the next step into the unknown is too unbearable to conceive. Through this, we rely on others to give us a sense of Self.

As Eckhart Tolle states, "If you cannot look through [this] collective delusion, you will be condemned to chasing after things for the rest of your life in the vain hope of finding your worth and completion of your sense of self there...".  With respect to healing, we will be condemned to continually chase after a sense of calm and a strong sense of Self if we continue along the path of reliance and attachment to others.

If I say I love you and that I cannot bare to begin healing without your strength, I would have done our love a great disservice.  I agree with Tolle that "...we cannot really honor things if we use them as a means to...try to find ourselves through them".  I am only beginning to understand that "...sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on" (Eckhart Tolle).  I am beginning to understand that it is okay to walk alone...to face uncertainty.  Equally important, it is okay to find my path by myself...for myself.  I will do this because I honor you.

How can we free ourselves from attachment? It is the very idea that "attachment to things [or people] drops away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them...If you are aware that you are identified with a thing, the identificiation is no longer total" (Tolle).  To speak that you are the "awareness that is aware that there is an attachment...That's the beginning of the transformation of conciousness" (Tolle).

Bridging the Gap Between Past and Future

Why is it that many are unable to heal and move on?

It seems that we often get stuck in limbo where we can't quite gather up the courage to let go of our thoughts and the security from the Past - yet we are terrified to take steps forward to venture into uncertainty...the Future.

It is the very idea that we are not living the Present.  Often, we are passive beings taking little action to initiate change.

As Eckhart Tolle states, "Present moment awareness creates a gap not only in the stream of mind but also in the past-future continuum.  Nothing truly new and creative can come into this world except through that gap, that clear space of infinite possibility."

It is ironic that, in order to heal and to create a bridge to the future, we need to create that bridge by conciously creating a gap for new and positive experiences to unfold.  Through this, the bridge will expand, widen and drive us further away from attachments to the past and future...Hence, living the Now...the Present...